BEST LAID PLANS 2

So much for christmas shopping, sadly it did'nt happen this weekend but I'm off on Wednesday night so now late night shopping. Another need for shopping is that next Monday we have our awards dinner, so I have to get something glitzy, and comfortable high heeled shoes(is there such a thing lol) also the dress has to have lots of lycra (thank god for lycra I say), when I started writing my journal one of the things on my "to do list" was to get fit, well thats now gone out the window there is the most fantastic pattiserie just around the corner from where I work and guess what!!!! just thinking about it just adds inches to my waist line lol.

The awards dinner is being held on the Queen Mary our pub on the Thames which is great if you have sea legs not so great if you don't, mind you with 100 pub managers i'm sure we'll do the bar justice and dance the night away.

I also found out why Colchester has no Christmas lights (taxi driver told me this morning at 6.am on the way to the station) apparently they had fallen down the week before the event (no-one was hurt) so we are now waiting fir Essex County Council to give there report on what went wrong so it looks like no lights this year, which is a shame as it costs about £35.000 and it's the shop keepers who pay for this.

Thats it for now

BEST LAID PLANS

So much for Christmas shopping, firstly due to the trains being delayed again I was 2 hours late for my hair appointment, she is in London, as usual roadworks everywhere so even more delays. Hair done by 5 so I now make the trip to IKEA luckily I managed to get what I want almost straight away, more transport troubles (do you see the recurring theme here) 90 min wait for a bus and finally get to Liverpool Street at 9pm on the 9.30 train finally get in at 10.30, Scarlett and Domino seemed to think I was never comming back the above mentioned are my cats.

So no christmas shopping done so back into the fray tommorrow hopefully with some success. We may even have lights!!!!!!! In Colchester last Sunday the Christmas lights were due to be switched on the high street was packed our local radio station where acting as comperes one problem there were no LIGHTS the main ingredient I would of thought lol.

I'm really enjoying my new pub, it's good fun the staff are very nice and the customers mainly all regulars have been very welcoming, we were incredibly busy on Friday none of us had breaks we all survived on Red Bull so we buzzed along which was just as well, we are now preparing for Christmas the decorations go up this week hence my trip to IKEA a red gold green theme (i will send pictures at the end of the week) also had to get the candles as we have those on the tables in the evenings to lighten the atmosphere,we have also started our winter drinks Mulled Wine and Winter pimms

Winter pimms no.3 warm apple juice /pimms a double shot to 4oz apple juice delicious you can buy the Pimms in the supermarket.

thats all for now

STUFF

With Christmas upon us as usual I have not started my preparations, so this weekend as well as getting my hair done i'll have to start Christmas shopping, but what to buy? Christmas is so commercial now and I find it's not about goodwill to all men I know this sounds cynical, but had lovely Christmas's when we were growing up, it was'nt just the gifts my mum used to make the cakes and puddings I did the mince pies sausage rolls anything with pastry. We always used our homemade decorations our fairy was almost bald by the time we grew up lol, we'd see friends and family eat non stop for about a week great stuff. Now the shops are open on Boxing Day no such thing as January sales. I yearn for the good old days!!!. I'm staying home this Christmas with friends and hopefully if I can get something booked go away for the New Year (a first ).

Christmas is always especially important in our family as 5 of us have birthdays in December staring on the 9th to 24th so its always busy.

My one regret is that mum is not here now and i miss not having a birthday cake every year till I was 37 square with pink roses (real royal icing) my brother always had a Maderia Cake blue icing (also royal icing). But I miss mum most of all.

thats it for now

BLOGS

WOW being online is amazing all I did was sign Jeanettes Guest Book, and it has opened a new chapter in my life I am so (Ican't even find the words) unusual for me, luckily I'm not working Monday and Tuesday night so I will now be visiting as many of you as I can.

Lurkynat you sound like good fun than thank you and everyone else who left comments.

I was so nervous about going public but I'm glad I did, I keep trying to take baby steps back out there, Im now very encouraged to keep going.

As the saying goes when you hit bottom the only way is up.

Not much more tonight I have to be up at 5am for the beer delivery.

Thats it for now

xxxx

PUBLIC OR PRIVATE

In starting to write my Blog, I didnt realise that I would have so much to say or that I would say it. Its been a form of therapy and god only knows I need it lol, thats why I can't decide to make the it public I mean do I really want to put myself out there!! I think I do but I'm afraid what if it's really bad and nobody reads it? Will it work wonders for my fragile confidence or go the other way, I think I will go for it but will need to stiffen the sinews and summon up the blood.

I have read so may wonderful blogs too numerous to mention, it's great to get a glimpse into someone else's life, some are funny others are bitter sweet and some just incredibly sad however also written with great courage and I often feel empathy and not pity.

I have made up my mind I'm going to do it go public!!!!!!! watch out

thats it for now

 

ANOTHER WEEK GONE BY

I have just finished my first week in the new pub, it has been enlightning but enjoyable the customers seem nice which believe me is a bonus, on my first night met a lovely Canadian man who is in London for buisness, he came in for a quick bite and stayed all evening in fact is now a regular, and has Roast Beef everynight for dinner!! we can't tempt him with anything else, some lovely market traders and the crowd from Fortnum &Masons are fun.

I now have extra travelling to do and each day has met with some disaster on the tube and tonight unfortunatly about four stops from Liverpool Street someone fell on the track at 11.30pm so I had to get a taxi to the station missed my train ended up getting the very last one and got home at 2.am considering that I got up at silly'o clock and I am still up doing this just shows how topsy turvy life can be.

I'm a bit tired now and will finish this over the weekend.

Thats it for now

 

 

PLAYING TO WIN

Yesterday I did my first shift in my new pub and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised, usually no-one talks to you while they're sizing you up, but they are a friendly crowd which makes a huge difference to your work enviroment.

I have been feeling so emotional the last few days due to the changes I have been making so feeling hopeful and looking to the future are finally on the agenda, thats work sorted, now I have to develop a personal life. It's a funny thing you go through life you meet many people but don't always expand on the potential friendships that could be made as I have said earlier I have been attempting to maintain those few friendships I already have and getting in touch with old ones.

I have always been a bit of a loner which can put people off I always said that I was independant but really sometimes I feel dreadfully lonely and find myself envying others who are in relationships which always look good to an outsider, but the reality is that I make no effort to put myself "out there" for fear of rejection. The fear comes from the fact that I am reasonably successful and seem very confident and capable, but really like everyone else I would just like someone to say "how was your day".

I have replaced to some extent the online buddies instead of real live humans in some respects just to talk and have a laugh it would seem that have lost some of my skills in forming friendships and being the semi- social butterfly I once was.

Why is it that getting into my forties that I find myself in crisis I have no problem with age but seem to have lost all my confidence which has always stood me in such good stead over the years, I'm trying hard to work through this but finding it a bit of a mountain to climb.

A bit deep today but there is still a spark of the old me left.

Thats it for now

TAKING STOCK

Another end to a very stressful week, well I survived barely!! lol. The whole weekend has been a bit of a washout Saturday was spent catching up on sleep and Sunday was spent doing stocktakes in two pubs my new one and old one I left the house at 7.30am and did not get home until 10.30pm.

The new pub is situated by Fortnum and Masons and the Ritz not bad eh, it is a cellar bar very nice inside (I will include photos later) and it seems I'm going to kept very busy there but thats ok I need to restore my confidence.

My fitness regime is going to take a battering there as I have discovered the most divine choclatier just up the road and I have to walk past it every day I just know I'll give into temptation lol. I'll have to limit myself to one a day!!!!!

thats it for now

MOVING ON!!

It seems I'm on the move again, I'm going to a new pub, which is based in the St James's area of London this will be completely different as I have not worked in this area of London before, It's a bit of a shame as it has been an enjoyable 5 weeks in the pub that i am currently based "oh well" but a new challenge awaits, and I'm chomping at the bit to get started.

It's going to be a bit of a pickle because I hand over on Friday at current site then take over on Saturday at the new site so lots of stocktaking by the end of this week.

I feel like I'm slowly getting back to me, and have a renewed sense of purpose, they say when you hit bottom the only way is up well look out because here I come!!!

Bye for now

WORK PART 2

I had my appeal hearing at work today unfortunatley I did'nt get the result I wanted, however I am being removed out of the orbit of the person who has been bullying me, so a small victory for me, for the first time in 12 months I feel that my life is my own and I can finally move on a great weight has been lifted.

For a normally confident person I have allowed someone else to have power over me and I lost my way, I was saying to a friend the other day that I actually disliked myself, so much so that I could'nt even look into a mirror, now is that anyway to be?.

I now move forward with a renewed attidude to life and work it is going to take a long time before I get back to normal but hopefully the lessons that I have learned along the way will stand me in good stead for my new future.

Bye for now

WORK

As I have said in earlier entries I have had problems at work this year, well on Tuesday I have my appeal hearing with the Director, I'm not looking forward to it, and feel that she is going to uphold the decsion made in September, I have good representation and feel that if all is taken into to consideration we should get a result.

Unforunately the Directior will not take kindly to her protegee being accused of bullying and not following company procedures which we prooved, and will find a way to excuse his actions by using me as the the scapegoat. I will try to stay strong because it's all I have left.

On a lighter note it seems I may be going to New York for Christmas, which should be fun, I have never been abroad for christmas before so a new adventure.

I went into town today and Christmas is upon us the real frenzy has'nt begun yet! but you can feel the desparation starting to mount, running a pub means that every week in December is Christmas you would think that it did'nt come once a year!!!! well I've got a few weeks before I get into the fray, Tis the season to be jolly not if you run a pub!!!

Thats it for now 

TRAVELLING

On my "To Do List" one of my main ambitions is to travel more, not that I get the opportunity, however in September I went to France and flew with Ryanair, well what did I expect this is cheap travel at it's worst. I arrived at Stanstead at 4am got through check-in ok then the fun started, we were herded on to the plane in double quick time and not allowed to sit in the first 7 rows no sooner were we buckled up the cabin crew did the safety demo in fast forward and we were off!! during the 90 minute flight they came round with the refreshment trolley and tried to sell you lottery tickets, then it was buckle your seat belts we are now ready to land we came to a skidding halt at Carcasonne Airport doors open we decanted our luggage was literally thrown of the plane all thisin less than 2 hours, I found out later that they have a 20 minute turn .around time. Travel has always been an ambition but there must be a more civilised way to go about it and not pay exorbitant prices, like everything else you hardly have time to sit back and enjoy life it's all  hurry hurry, All I want to do is kick back so I'll be saving for those luxury flights. Thats my vent for today

THIS IS THE WEEK THAT WAS!!!

What a week, running a pub is not easy, everything just went completely wrong this week, firstly my chef went on holiday for two weeks and i've not been able to get any cover for the kitchen so "guess who" is covering, I'm short staffed behind the bar, and have a member of staff who has not yet discovered clocks !! and this just makes the whole thing more pleasurable lol. I don't need an excercise programme I've done nothing but run all week. At least this week the trains have run on time, although now quite cold in the mornings ONE RAILWAYS very rarely have the heating on so just as cold inside , you then have those fresh air freaks who want to have the windows open!!! sorry I don't get it and I pay almost £3000 per year for this.

Tommorrow or today really I've not got much planned a visit to Tescos (as usual not much in) and just do some girlie stuff, then I'm in for the rest of the day nothing much on telly except X-Factor (sorry) there are only 2 reality TV programmes that I watch, the other is I'm a Celebrity get me out of here (I know very sad) but for me compulsive veiwing.

Bye for now