WHERE DID THE YEAR GO?

Well tommorrow we reach the end of the year, and for me in some ways it can't come soon enough.

As I have already documented this has been a difficult year for me,both professionally and personally, I barely escaped with my sanity intact, but I'm still here. Having been bullied most of the year at work and suffering panic attacks and an almost total loss of confidence and self belief, well I'm pleased to say that the aforementioned is very slowly returning, it will take time but I'm prepared to put the work in.

I'm now working in an happier enviroment so hopefully and will thrive again.

It's not all gloom and doom there have been quite a few positives, I've started investing in my friendships a lot more, as I've said a phone call e-mail is all it takes, and the dividends are huge plus I've made new friends here at J-Land and online in general also writing my journal has helped me put things into some sort of perspective.

The lessons I've learned as the old year draws to a close, are that I have to take ownership of my life and the choices I make and certainly not to let anyone have power over me to the point where I lose myself.

I'm not going to make resolutions, but try to make positive changes to be a person that I like and can be proud of.

I've been thinking of my Mum a lot lately and how much I miss her, she had so much drive and determination and achieved so much in her life but did it the hard way she is my inspiration, someone said to me you should be over it by now(3years) my response is that I will learn to live with it but never get over her death I mean to say who loves you like your mum, mine was my touchstone and I wish I let her know that(she probably does).

Tommorrow George and I are going to an Italian Restaurant to bring the new year in it's very nice there and we should have lot of fun, on Monday we may brave the sales, back to work on Tuesday.

I'm looking forward to 2007 I think this is going to be my year!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE IN J-LAND

thats it till next year

RACING TOWARD NEW YEAR

It seemed like we had weeks to christmas then days then poof it's all over, the las t 2 days have gone so quickly, as usual my plans went for a burton, I could'nt get all my shopping for dinner done and lost of bit of enthusiasm with so much to do so I cried off I was going to one off the girls instead,again not that keen mainly because I was extremly tired, at 10pm xmas eve I got a phone call from my old boss and they invited me to Wisbech for xmas I have to say I jumped at the chance, Jane and her daughter Emma drove down and picked me up 2 hours later I was sat glass of wine in front of a roaring fire. (For Emma this was a 4 hour round trip which was incredibly kind of her)

We had a lovely dinner much wine and chat, TV was'nt up to much, but we did enjoy Strictly Dancing.

It was a shame to see on the news on xmas eve that the conductors had gone on strike for 72 hours really unfair and my heart went out to those who could'nt get home for xmas or were just stranded at train stations.

So obviously I could'nt get home yesterday, so had to leave early this morning again Emma kindly drove me to Ely and I caught a train directly to Colchester, I was supposed to go straght to work then realised I left the pub keys at home, so mad dash home then back to the station and caught the 10.29 and got to work just before midday.

We were quite busy for lunch and from 3pm onwards very very quiet opefully tommorrow will improve a bit at least I have the long weekend off.

We went to a bird sanctaury yesterday just outside of Ely mainly swans and geese and several types of duck, there were apparently some Kingfishers earlier which we missed still it was good to go out for a while.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas

thats it for now

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christmas is here at long last, i've just got a bit of shopping to do today and some house work then it's all done.

Such a manic week at work now it's time to kick back and relax, and get myself geared up for the January Sales lol.

I was supposed to be going to New York for the New Year but had to cancel (I got my money back) thats why the picture thats from the top of the Empire State Building I took this in May of this year a couple of pics of me not very good or clear but have a few more which I will load in the New Year and the Rose is in memory of my Mum.

It is my grandmothers birthday today she is 86 yrs young and it was my brothers yesterday the rest of the birthdays are spread out through the rest of the year.

For New Year i'm going to spend it with George whos is one of my best friends were going to paint the town reddish (were older now) so will probably be home about 12.30 lol not like the old days ah well lol.

Merry Christmas to everyone on J-land eat drink and be merry.

thats it for now

FEELING CHRISTMASSY AT LAST

At last I seem to be getting into the Christmas spirit with less than a week to go, I'm going to write my cards tonight luckily I don't have many to send. A friend of mine jo had her daughter Daisy last year on Christmas Day no less so I bought her a musical angel hopefully she'll like it she's such a cutie.

I'm doing Duck this year for dinner having about 5 friends round for dinner and lots of chocs and wine got a couple of good dvds to watch so should be a good laugh, one stipulation though they have to wash up!! lol.

Only two more presents to buy just for the girls at work they have worked so hard this last week plus they're away from they're families at this time of year so I thought some Champagneand Chocolates and Dvd's.

I will be having some visitors this week my old boss and his wife they've now retired (3months ago) they trained me also Bob who's 86 and comes to see me every three weeks he'll be off to Devon to spend Christmas with his daughter then in the New Year of to Lancashire for new year with the younger daughter.

Bob is amazing I met him about 10 years ago in a pub lol he comes up to London every weekend has a wonder there are several of us that he visits, his wife died 11 years ago 2 years short of they're 50th and he visits all there old haunts including the French House pub which Bob has been a customer since before the war, he's a happy soul someone once said to him it's a bit maudling and he replied there my memories and good ones too. Both his daughters are always offering to have him live with either one  he say as long as I can do for myself I'll stay where I am thank you very much, he's an inspiration to us all.

Thats it for now

Nearly There

Work wise this week has taken me to a new level, I cant remember being so busy, on Thursday we had a late licence until 3am which turned out to be a bust the chap who booked promised a 100 people lees than half turned up, they were such a dull lot and did'nt even offer us a drink or the girls a tip (bit mean), I had to stay at the pub so did'nt get any sleep, Friday was incredibly busy with another xmas lunch booked, both girls and I suffering severe sleep depravation but we managed. I left at 11.30 walked to Green Park Station only yo find they had a power cut "great" then had to walk in the opposite direction to Picadilly finally got the train to Liverpool Street and missed the 12.18 had to wait for the 12.48am finally got home at 2.30am, i've never been so glad to see my front door, oh did,nt get much sleep as I developed toothache.

Saturday my 42nd birthday I finally rolled out of bed ot 2pm opened a few cards made some calls then on my way to work for the Fortnum and Mason xmas staff party, they supplied there own DJ at 7.30 people started to arrive very busy loud and very drunk people but no trouble and good night was had by all finally finshed at 4.30 am, my luck still holding out my first train back to Colchester was'nt until 8.02am got home just after nine today.

So my 42nd passed without a murmer I think I'll plan a big celebration for next year any way it's only a number.

I only have to do a food shop now for xmas everything else done and what is not done will have to be left.

So now in the final stretch 4 parties this week no late ones then the whole weekend off can't wait.

Soirry to have a bit of a rant today but as they say it's good to talk!!!

Thats it for now 

A LONG WEEK

I won't be adding much this week (if I survive it) this is the week that our main bookings are happening starting tommorrow, the main ones being on Thursday (I'll have to sleep at the pub) finishes at 3.am and Fortnum and Masons Christmas party which also finishes at 3.am nice way for me spend my birthday,

I know I sound like I'm complaining but with my own Christmas arrangements to make let alone shopping and all the other stuff I'm running out of time.

Why is it in November it seems like ther months to go before Christmas then all of a sudden it's upon us, this year has gone so fast I've hardly had time to catch my breath well roll on the New Year.

Thats it for now

MORE STUFF

A couple of weeks ago I was reading Sheria On my Mind Journal she was commenting on Online Dating,and it's good and bad points (there are many for each side) my attached friends are always trying to set me up with an eligible someone!!!!.

I always get very embarassed in these situations but, my girlfriends can't believe I can be happy single (I am) I allowed myself to be talked into Oline Dating quite a simple format which onlt allows you to contact the supposed man of your dreams if you pay a fee, so to set up your account costs nothing to talk costs anything from £9.00 per month to a delux service £24.00, so anyway I duly joined and heard nothing for the first week , I got a reply from a man who wanted more than I was prepared to give (I blocked him) the others wanted photos unfortunatley of size 8 women well I'm never going to be that slim again lol some wanted surrogate mothers for their children some just strange.

Why is it that some men think that because your over forty that you are desparate and your only online because you have exaushted all your other options not so. I have given up online dating for good.

Heres the thing for the time being I enjoy being single I love being in my 40's slighty overweight well a bit more lol I love having my own space and doing what I like however it would be nice to share this with someone but I think I'll let things happen naturally and if he's out there perhaps I'll find him. My girlfriends think I'm giving up to  easily, but really I think they have underestimated me, in the job I do I meet lots of men, it's a pity that I don't always see them at ther best lol and drunken invites to dinner really don't appeal lol.

Still got plenty of xmas shopping to do I have'nt even bought cards yet!! I'll redress that today.

Our awards dinner was great fun I did'nt win anything but hey theres always next year, we partied until 5.am Tuesday subsequently was not the best of days I did not fully recover until Thursday lol when the official photos are done I will post them on here.

Thats it for now

 

LITTLE BLACK DRESS

I did it I finally managed to find a dress(will post photos later in the week) not a little black number I'm too big but a nice lacy dress with lots of lycra lol. Also managed to get some xmas shopping done, I'll put the tree up next weekend (the cats will have a field day) lol.

Colchester was very busy today there was a funfair on the high street(still no lights) and the christmas market it was so crowded you could hardly see anything, as I especially like homemade arts and crafts never mind there's always next year.

Apart from my visit to town today I have not been up to much just a relaxing afternoon I'm trying to get as much rest in as possible I have to be up at 5.am(delivery) also have several interviews planned (if they turn up) and It's going to be a late night cupled with a busy week we have to xmas lunches booked 30 people each group as usual I won't be having turkey this xmas.

thats it for now

 

JUST A FEW PICTURES

Just a few pictures of the area where I work, and the Fortnum and Mason windows I thought they were nice. Sorry not very clear as taken through the window

UP LATE AGAIN

Another week gone by, been having a stressful week at work, it started on Monday when my chef gave notice also the second cook gave notice as well, what I did'nt realise was that they are a couple, which nobody thought to tell me when I took over the pub, now with quite a few bookings we have no chef, It looks like I'll be doing kitchen duty for the next three weeks great fun!!.to add insult to injury two of the bookings  have late licences till 3.am!!! The other exasperating thing this week is that not once this week have the trains been on time so I have been late everyday oh the joys of commuting. I have to work tommorrow firstly putting up the Christmas decorations, interviewing new (I'll still have to do the kitchen because I will be training) chefs,and a staff meeting, so a lot to do.

I still hav'nt got my posh frock for the awards dinner, but did spy something in Long Tall Sally hopefully they will have it in my size so I'll get that on Sunday, and aslo have a third attempt at some Christmas shopping!!

Thats it for now

BEST LAID PLANS 2

So much for christmas shopping, sadly it did'nt happen this weekend but I'm off on Wednesday night so now late night shopping. Another need for shopping is that next Monday we have our awards dinner, so I have to get something glitzy, and comfortable high heeled shoes(is there such a thing lol) also the dress has to have lots of lycra (thank god for lycra I say), when I started writing my journal one of the things on my "to do list" was to get fit, well thats now gone out the window there is the most fantastic pattiserie just around the corner from where I work and guess what!!!! just thinking about it just adds inches to my waist line lol.

The awards dinner is being held on the Queen Mary our pub on the Thames which is great if you have sea legs not so great if you don't, mind you with 100 pub managers i'm sure we'll do the bar justice and dance the night away.

I also found out why Colchester has no Christmas lights (taxi driver told me this morning at 6.am on the way to the station) apparently they had fallen down the week before the event (no-one was hurt) so we are now waiting fir Essex County Council to give there report on what went wrong so it looks like no lights this year, which is a shame as it costs about £35.000 and it's the shop keepers who pay for this.

Thats it for now

BEST LAID PLANS

So much for Christmas shopping, firstly due to the trains being delayed again I was 2 hours late for my hair appointment, she is in London, as usual roadworks everywhere so even more delays. Hair done by 5 so I now make the trip to IKEA luckily I managed to get what I want almost straight away, more transport troubles (do you see the recurring theme here) 90 min wait for a bus and finally get to Liverpool Street at 9pm on the 9.30 train finally get in at 10.30, Scarlett and Domino seemed to think I was never comming back the above mentioned are my cats.

So no christmas shopping done so back into the fray tommorrow hopefully with some success. We may even have lights!!!!!!! In Colchester last Sunday the Christmas lights were due to be switched on the high street was packed our local radio station where acting as comperes one problem there were no LIGHTS the main ingredient I would of thought lol.

I'm really enjoying my new pub, it's good fun the staff are very nice and the customers mainly all regulars have been very welcoming, we were incredibly busy on Friday none of us had breaks we all survived on Red Bull so we buzzed along which was just as well, we are now preparing for Christmas the decorations go up this week hence my trip to IKEA a red gold green theme (i will send pictures at the end of the week) also had to get the candles as we have those on the tables in the evenings to lighten the atmosphere,we have also started our winter drinks Mulled Wine and Winter pimms

Winter pimms no.3 warm apple juice /pimms a double shot to 4oz apple juice delicious you can buy the Pimms in the supermarket.

thats all for now

STUFF

With Christmas upon us as usual I have not started my preparations, so this weekend as well as getting my hair done i'll have to start Christmas shopping, but what to buy? Christmas is so commercial now and I find it's not about goodwill to all men I know this sounds cynical, but had lovely Christmas's when we were growing up, it was'nt just the gifts my mum used to make the cakes and puddings I did the mince pies sausage rolls anything with pastry. We always used our homemade decorations our fairy was almost bald by the time we grew up lol, we'd see friends and family eat non stop for about a week great stuff. Now the shops are open on Boxing Day no such thing as January sales. I yearn for the good old days!!!. I'm staying home this Christmas with friends and hopefully if I can get something booked go away for the New Year (a first ).

Christmas is always especially important in our family as 5 of us have birthdays in December staring on the 9th to 24th so its always busy.

My one regret is that mum is not here now and i miss not having a birthday cake every year till I was 37 square with pink roses (real royal icing) my brother always had a Maderia Cake blue icing (also royal icing). But I miss mum most of all.

thats it for now

BLOGS

WOW being online is amazing all I did was sign Jeanettes Guest Book, and it has opened a new chapter in my life I am so (Ican't even find the words) unusual for me, luckily I'm not working Monday and Tuesday night so I will now be visiting as many of you as I can.

Lurkynat you sound like good fun than thank you and everyone else who left comments.

I was so nervous about going public but I'm glad I did, I keep trying to take baby steps back out there, Im now very encouraged to keep going.

As the saying goes when you hit bottom the only way is up.

Not much more tonight I have to be up at 5am for the beer delivery.

Thats it for now

xxxx

PUBLIC OR PRIVATE

In starting to write my Blog, I didnt realise that I would have so much to say or that I would say it. Its been a form of therapy and god only knows I need it lol, thats why I can't decide to make the it public I mean do I really want to put myself out there!! I think I do but I'm afraid what if it's really bad and nobody reads it? Will it work wonders for my fragile confidence or go the other way, I think I will go for it but will need to stiffen the sinews and summon up the blood.

I have read so may wonderful blogs too numerous to mention, it's great to get a glimpse into someone else's life, some are funny others are bitter sweet and some just incredibly sad however also written with great courage and I often feel empathy and not pity.

I have made up my mind I'm going to do it go public!!!!!!! watch out

thats it for now

 

ANOTHER WEEK GONE BY

I have just finished my first week in the new pub, it has been enlightning but enjoyable the customers seem nice which believe me is a bonus, on my first night met a lovely Canadian man who is in London for buisness, he came in for a quick bite and stayed all evening in fact is now a regular, and has Roast Beef everynight for dinner!! we can't tempt him with anything else, some lovely market traders and the crowd from Fortnum &Masons are fun.

I now have extra travelling to do and each day has met with some disaster on the tube and tonight unfortunatly about four stops from Liverpool Street someone fell on the track at 11.30pm so I had to get a taxi to the station missed my train ended up getting the very last one and got home at 2.am considering that I got up at silly'o clock and I am still up doing this just shows how topsy turvy life can be.

I'm a bit tired now and will finish this over the weekend.

Thats it for now

 

 

PLAYING TO WIN

Yesterday I did my first shift in my new pub and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised, usually no-one talks to you while they're sizing you up, but they are a friendly crowd which makes a huge difference to your work enviroment.

I have been feeling so emotional the last few days due to the changes I have been making so feeling hopeful and looking to the future are finally on the agenda, thats work sorted, now I have to develop a personal life. It's a funny thing you go through life you meet many people but don't always expand on the potential friendships that could be made as I have said earlier I have been attempting to maintain those few friendships I already have and getting in touch with old ones.

I have always been a bit of a loner which can put people off I always said that I was independant but really sometimes I feel dreadfully lonely and find myself envying others who are in relationships which always look good to an outsider, but the reality is that I make no effort to put myself "out there" for fear of rejection. The fear comes from the fact that I am reasonably successful and seem very confident and capable, but really like everyone else I would just like someone to say "how was your day".

I have replaced to some extent the online buddies instead of real live humans in some respects just to talk and have a laugh it would seem that have lost some of my skills in forming friendships and being the semi- social butterfly I once was.

Why is it that getting into my forties that I find myself in crisis I have no problem with age but seem to have lost all my confidence which has always stood me in such good stead over the years, I'm trying hard to work through this but finding it a bit of a mountain to climb.

A bit deep today but there is still a spark of the old me left.

Thats it for now

TAKING STOCK

Another end to a very stressful week, well I survived barely!! lol. The whole weekend has been a bit of a washout Saturday was spent catching up on sleep and Sunday was spent doing stocktakes in two pubs my new one and old one I left the house at 7.30am and did not get home until 10.30pm.

The new pub is situated by Fortnum and Masons and the Ritz not bad eh, it is a cellar bar very nice inside (I will include photos later) and it seems I'm going to kept very busy there but thats ok I need to restore my confidence.

My fitness regime is going to take a battering there as I have discovered the most divine choclatier just up the road and I have to walk past it every day I just know I'll give into temptation lol. I'll have to limit myself to one a day!!!!!

thats it for now

MOVING ON!!

It seems I'm on the move again, I'm going to a new pub, which is based in the St James's area of London this will be completely different as I have not worked in this area of London before, It's a bit of a shame as it has been an enjoyable 5 weeks in the pub that i am currently based "oh well" but a new challenge awaits, and I'm chomping at the bit to get started.

It's going to be a bit of a pickle because I hand over on Friday at current site then take over on Saturday at the new site so lots of stocktaking by the end of this week.

I feel like I'm slowly getting back to me, and have a renewed sense of purpose, they say when you hit bottom the only way is up well look out because here I come!!!

Bye for now

WORK PART 2

I had my appeal hearing at work today unfortunatley I did'nt get the result I wanted, however I am being removed out of the orbit of the person who has been bullying me, so a small victory for me, for the first time in 12 months I feel that my life is my own and I can finally move on a great weight has been lifted.

For a normally confident person I have allowed someone else to have power over me and I lost my way, I was saying to a friend the other day that I actually disliked myself, so much so that I could'nt even look into a mirror, now is that anyway to be?.

I now move forward with a renewed attidude to life and work it is going to take a long time before I get back to normal but hopefully the lessons that I have learned along the way will stand me in good stead for my new future.

Bye for now

WORK

As I have said in earlier entries I have had problems at work this year, well on Tuesday I have my appeal hearing with the Director, I'm not looking forward to it, and feel that she is going to uphold the decsion made in September, I have good representation and feel that if all is taken into to consideration we should get a result.

Unforunately the Directior will not take kindly to her protegee being accused of bullying and not following company procedures which we prooved, and will find a way to excuse his actions by using me as the the scapegoat. I will try to stay strong because it's all I have left.

On a lighter note it seems I may be going to New York for Christmas, which should be fun, I have never been abroad for christmas before so a new adventure.

I went into town today and Christmas is upon us the real frenzy has'nt begun yet! but you can feel the desparation starting to mount, running a pub means that every week in December is Christmas you would think that it did'nt come once a year!!!! well I've got a few weeks before I get into the fray, Tis the season to be jolly not if you run a pub!!!

Thats it for now 

TRAVELLING

On my "To Do List" one of my main ambitions is to travel more, not that I get the opportunity, however in September I went to France and flew with Ryanair, well what did I expect this is cheap travel at it's worst. I arrived at Stanstead at 4am got through check-in ok then the fun started, we were herded on to the plane in double quick time and not allowed to sit in the first 7 rows no sooner were we buckled up the cabin crew did the safety demo in fast forward and we were off!! during the 90 minute flight they came round with the refreshment trolley and tried to sell you lottery tickets, then it was buckle your seat belts we are now ready to land we came to a skidding halt at Carcasonne Airport doors open we decanted our luggage was literally thrown of the plane all thisin less than 2 hours, I found out later that they have a 20 minute turn .around time. Travel has always been an ambition but there must be a more civilised way to go about it and not pay exorbitant prices, like everything else you hardly have time to sit back and enjoy life it's all  hurry hurry, All I want to do is kick back so I'll be saving for those luxury flights. Thats my vent for today

THIS IS THE WEEK THAT WAS!!!

What a week, running a pub is not easy, everything just went completely wrong this week, firstly my chef went on holiday for two weeks and i've not been able to get any cover for the kitchen so "guess who" is covering, I'm short staffed behind the bar, and have a member of staff who has not yet discovered clocks !! and this just makes the whole thing more pleasurable lol. I don't need an excercise programme I've done nothing but run all week. At least this week the trains have run on time, although now quite cold in the mornings ONE RAILWAYS very rarely have the heating on so just as cold inside , you then have those fresh air freaks who want to have the windows open!!! sorry I don't get it and I pay almost £3000 per year for this.

Tommorrow or today really I've not got much planned a visit to Tescos (as usual not much in) and just do some girlie stuff, then I'm in for the rest of the day nothing much on telly except X-Factor (sorry) there are only 2 reality TV programmes that I watch, the other is I'm a Celebrity get me out of here (I know very sad) but for me compulsive veiwing.

Bye for now

 

 

THE WITCHING HOUR

The witching hour is upon us the clocks have gone back1 hour yipee!! tommorrow is Halloween. It's strange the clocks go back and it's daylight at 6am yes peeps some of us are up that early and the lost souls wander the earth.

It's a funny thing my assistant manager is a practising White Witch and is going to Wanstead Common to do god only knows what but each to their own.

So it'll be scary movies tommorrow I think I'll watch Whatever Happenend To Baby Jane Bette Davis, Joan Crawford you can;t beat em. The film just been released on Dvd but got it for a fiver at HMV not bad, also managed to get The Village of the Dammed double Dvd set might watch that too, they don't make them like that anymore.

Old movies are my passion there's nothing like them you curl up on a Saturday night and really get engrossed well I do any way, I'll be talking films much more in later journals

thats it for now

A GOOD DAY

I've had a lovely weekend, did'nt do much went for a walk yesterday and today nice weather i dressed for winter but it was really quite warm. I have been online a lot talking to my friends new and old, I have joined a couple of chat rooms, they're good fun.

What has been nice about the last couple of days I have been free of worries and just completely relaxed, which for me makes a change, a welcome change.

The only tv i saw was X -Factor and the Royals nanna died very sad (sob)

Back on the treadmill tommorrow hopefully the trains will be ok late morning and night on Friday it's such a drag commuting but someones got to do it lol.

My "To Do List" is going well keeping up with diet and fitness, always looking at travel and places to go fancy going away for xmas which is looming keeping in touch with my friends(a good investment) not done much on the languages front, and managing my work life balance better.

thats it for now

UP LATE

It's 3am and sleep still evades me, not the first time this week!!! anyway I'm watching one of those awful all night quiz programmes, can you believe It's been on for 3 hours and only two correct answers out of ten, this is what happens to those who can't sleep, and what i'd like to know is where they find these people who present them!!!!

I hav'nt got much planned for the weekend I'll go for a walk tommorrow, do some shopping and some girlie stuff, also I'll catch up on some dvd's thinking of a Clint Eastwood weekend mixed with Sex and the City and of course the X Factor for me compulsive veiwing(sorry).

Still don't feel tired so I'll probably watch a dvd some Seinfeld I think!!!

Bye for now

JUST STUFF

There has been so much stuff going through my head just lately, I fear a general overload, iknow I'm supposed to be detoxing but I keep on getting clogged up!

Firstly having had a very difficult year at work, i'm now trying to get back on track but still face many obstacles, It was hard for me to admit to myself tat I was being bullied at work, as I'm ususally I think a confident person able to deal with most things thrown at me, I found for once that I was unequal to the task, which then sent me into a kind of freefall emotionally, as I said I'm gradually working through this although it's going to take time.

My "To Do" list well I'm working my way through it slowly, but think that most of it is acheivable but as usual I always want to do more, learnig to be patient should be on the list!.

Trying to make positive changes in my life is prooving to be not as easy as it sounds but will keep on trucking.

In the next couple of weeks a myself and a friend are going for a days pampering, which will be fabulous as we rarely get the chance to do anything thats just for us, then out for dinner after that who knows!!!

FEELING POORLY PART 2

I went back to the dentist on Saturday morning I have an abcess, which is quite severe, the dentist could'nt treat it, but gave me a double dose of antibiotics, one lot came with an eight page booklet!!!!!!!!!!!!!, I was also told could get worse if so come back and they would admit me to hospital!!!!!!!!. Anyway feeling much better.

The fitness regime has suffered this week oh well i'll be back on it by the weekend, not that i've been able to eat much, which makes a change.

Had a very lazy Sunday this week did absoultly nothing all day except be online, by the way making some good online buddies, the room i'm in the folks in there are great fun, which is what it's all about.

Thats it for now I will return!!

FEELING POORLY

I have not had a good week, what started with a little niggling in my tooth has turned into 3 days of hellish pain, i've lost count of the amount of painkillers i've taken. This morning I looked as though i went 10 rounds with Mike Tyson, finally went to the emergency dentist, waited for two and a half hours, and was told that i would'nt be seen until at least midnight, I'll go tommorrow morning.

There is nothing worse than toothache, hopefully by the beginning of next week when the antibiotics kick in I'll feel better.

One good thing though, i've not been able to eat much so a bit of extra weight off not that I would recommend this as a diet.

MY TO DO LIST

My "To do list"

Detox and get fit-started doing ok

Travel-"To do"

Learn a foreign language-Started-Spanish

Give up smoking-"To do"

Work less-Trying

Maintaining friendships-Ok

Two blogs in one day, i just needed to get this stuff down it will help me to focus, on the changes that i would like to make, I've had a rollercoaster of a year, with a great loss of confidence,in myself and my abilities so my "to do list" is really about re-building,what has been lost, and learning new skills to take me onwards and upwards.

FEELING GOOD

I've had a very long week coupled with having a horrid cold, the pub i have taken over has no staff and having to run the buisness with un-trained staff has taken it's toll, but we prevailed and got through the week, just about. By the 11pm on Friday my leg were aching, after seven weeks off my body is not used to a 16 hour day, the final death knell was that the trains were delayed and i did't get home till 2am.

On Saurday I had my hair done, and instantly felt better so a good hair day, although there was no-one to appreciate it because when I got home i fell asleep after dinner and missed most of X-Factor (sorry).

Sunday very sunny and fresh out so took a long walk and cleared the cobwebs, new healthy regime back on track all in all feeling good.

Under The Weather

Winter is upon us it seems i have a horrid cold, and just feeling below par, went of the regime in abig way and had Chinese for supper for me thats the best comfort food.

Back to work one week and need another holiday, hopefully i'll feel better in a couple of days,and get back to the regime.

FRIENDSHIPS

I never realised how important friendships were until this year, this is for J and G

especially J who has been with me through the worst times this year, god only knows the state i'd be in if were'nt for her.

We invest so little in our friends due to other calls on our time, and we forget just to have a natter. To G an old friendship renewed this year and what a tonic it has been, in future i will be keeping in touch you know the odd phone call text e-mail afterall it cost nothing but the benefits are great,and long lasting.

 

FITNESS

As  you know I'm trying to get fit and healthier, but heres the rub why do I have to give up so many things.

coffee tea meat poultry unless organic tinned foods(thats ok)

take aways biscuits cakes CHOCOLATE ,WINE JACK DANIELS.

My shopping basket looks so pathetic with just fruit and veg which i love, but just can't help getting that rabbit like feeling when i'm eating,

love smoothies hate vegetable juices(juicer back in box) muesli just wears your teeth down and hard to shift.

I will prevail to eat sensibly, with the odd choccie bar and take away thrown in afterall a little of what you fancy doe's you good!!!!

Still enjoying the walking still not tempted to go to the gym yet but I will summon the nerve eventually (she says) and i will get rid of those evil toxins.

yours in good health.

 

REMEMBERANCE

Today was about remembering my mum who died suddenly three years ago, she was 58

I laid pink roses which were her favourites, the sun actually came out which made me think that mum was smiling down at me.

 

Work Life Balance (in unequal measures)

My career has always been a huge part of my life having inherited an incredibly strong work ethic from my mother it seemed that I could never be measured as a person if I did'nt work hard to the detriment of all else.

My career path took a distinct downturn during the last year, especially in they way I veiwed myself, work and me were always interchangeable, never one without the other.

I began to realise that there was only work and no "me" how do I redress this?

"have a mini breakdown" to understand that you must also live your life and not be a slave to work and those who employ you.

Is working 60 plus hours pw having a life a resounding ? NO

Can you talk to work at 3am in the morning ? NO

Is work going to ask you how was your day ? NO

Can working less hours give you back your life? YES

Can you call a friend at 3am? YES

Will your friends ask how was your day? YES

This in some small measure can help you get your life back and in return I will achieve Balance.

NB: The fitness and diet regime going well i hope to lose more than unwanted weight and gain a lighter me.

 

New York Again!!!

Two starving Anglophiles searching for something to eat  "go to the restaurant next door" they cry at the Hotel, we enter music pounding eardrums bursting, were seated and given menus, heres the rub we can't see no lights just tealight candles on the tables, menu in very small type can't read see or hear stage exit front door and to micky d's bright lights no music and food you can identify

Bliss

BACK TO WORK

After six weeks off i'm back to work on Monday, oh I can't wait to get up at 5.30 to get the train and therefore plunged into commuter HELL, it's such a treat can't tell you how much I missed it.

Detox gone well also taken several long walks over the last few days just in readiness for work. Not quite ready to expose myself to the gym!!!!!!!

I'm a pub landlady and will be starting in a new pub which is exciting and scary at the same time but bonus it's in the city so Monday to Friday only WHOOPEE!

Did some dvd shopping today my passion is black and white movies and cult tv

HMV and VIRGIN have great sales on at the moment still manged to spend £104 oh well it's only money she says!!!.

 

 

 

New york

This Times Square during the day time it still has the same wow factor as it does at night. Anyway G and I decide to take our bus tour which would take us to China Town and Little Italy you know usual tourist stuff! We had been walking for days and G had blisters so the bus was ideal!! we get on at broadway the guide tells us about the theaters etc were moving by this time we turn right and we were told that the bus terminated here 5 mins after we got on, the tour had finished!!!!!!!!!!, luckily we were able to get on another bus around another corner and finish our tour.

Long day today, starting my new job on monday, with the same company but different site im not looking forward to it, one good thing it's temporary only 4weeks.
Work the last six months has been the pits, but grdually working through it.
Trying to plan my xmas break in advance G and I plan on going to New York again,

DETOX

The detox going well two more days to go, I'm not sure it'll work, but it's worth a try.

Why is it that when we hit our forties that the books we read tend to be of the self help variety, in my twenties and thirties i never felt the need, or I just ignored the direction my life was taking, now it seems i'm playing catch up.

Detox is the buzz word :

Detox your body

Detox your home

Detox your life

All this detox are we going to have anything left we are supposed to replace it with a lighter brighter body home life, why not just be happy with what you have,

Oh well back to the Detox, and the self help books i'll see how long i last this time!!!!!!!!

Absoulutley useless on the quizzez tonight
the thing is it seems to be the same quizzes and the same people play them all the time
started to learn a language online (spanish)
not very good online chats tonight rethe2001 was the only one remotley interesting,ckrustytheclwn bit moody tonight, this is not the forum to pick your scabs, if you have serious issues again this is not the place to discuss it ,while i am sympathetic it is a conversation killer
happyish listening to jazz
sorry to sound so harsh, however i believe there is a time and place for everything.
i'm a bit stressed tommorrow i start my new fitness regime which i have devised myself the detox first 3 days i will finally get to use my juicer has been in the box for 3 months so what does that tell you!!!!!!!

New York

In may I did one thing on my "to do list" I visited NEW YORK, with my pal G

pic number 2 was taken from the top of the Empire State Building on the 86th floor awesome.

We were unsure when we landed at EWR New Jersey, it did'nt seem like it was going to much of an adventure, we ploughed on and duly arrived at New Yorks Penn Station WOW you could almost touch the energy, it was all tall buildings and yellow taxis. We were having our first smoke for 7 hours we just stood there drinking it all in. There will be more New York stories..........................

That fortyish thing!

Now well into my forties well only just, can you recover your youth or can you feel more youthful with age.  I do not want to recover my youth but would like regain some of my figure, so getting fit as opposed to losing weight, which always sounds so depressing. My job is it as important is a fufilling career as good as having a fufilling life, i'll give that one more thought. i have a "To do list" so many things i'll chart my progress in the comming months I hope.