WHERE DID THE YEAR GO?

Well tommorrow we reach the end of the year, and for me in some ways it can't come soon enough.

As I have already documented this has been a difficult year for me,both professionally and personally, I barely escaped with my sanity intact, but I'm still here. Having been bullied most of the year at work and suffering panic attacks and an almost total loss of confidence and self belief, well I'm pleased to say that the aforementioned is very slowly returning, it will take time but I'm prepared to put the work in.

I'm now working in an happier enviroment so hopefully and will thrive again.

It's not all gloom and doom there have been quite a few positives, I've started investing in my friendships a lot more, as I've said a phone call e-mail is all it takes, and the dividends are huge plus I've made new friends here at J-Land and online in general also writing my journal has helped me put things into some sort of perspective.

The lessons I've learned as the old year draws to a close, are that I have to take ownership of my life and the choices I make and certainly not to let anyone have power over me to the point where I lose myself.

I'm not going to make resolutions, but try to make positive changes to be a person that I like and can be proud of.

I've been thinking of my Mum a lot lately and how much I miss her, she had so much drive and determination and achieved so much in her life but did it the hard way she is my inspiration, someone said to me you should be over it by now(3years) my response is that I will learn to live with it but never get over her death I mean to say who loves you like your mum, mine was my touchstone and I wish I let her know that(she probably does).

Tommorrow George and I are going to an Italian Restaurant to bring the new year in it's very nice there and we should have lot of fun, on Monday we may brave the sales, back to work on Tuesday.

I'm looking forward to 2007 I think this is going to be my year!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE IN J-LAND

thats it till next year

RACING TOWARD NEW YEAR

It seemed like we had weeks to christmas then days then poof it's all over, the las t 2 days have gone so quickly, as usual my plans went for a burton, I could'nt get all my shopping for dinner done and lost of bit of enthusiasm with so much to do so I cried off I was going to one off the girls instead,again not that keen mainly because I was extremly tired, at 10pm xmas eve I got a phone call from my old boss and they invited me to Wisbech for xmas I have to say I jumped at the chance, Jane and her daughter Emma drove down and picked me up 2 hours later I was sat glass of wine in front of a roaring fire. (For Emma this was a 4 hour round trip which was incredibly kind of her)

We had a lovely dinner much wine and chat, TV was'nt up to much, but we did enjoy Strictly Dancing.

It was a shame to see on the news on xmas eve that the conductors had gone on strike for 72 hours really unfair and my heart went out to those who could'nt get home for xmas or were just stranded at train stations.

So obviously I could'nt get home yesterday, so had to leave early this morning again Emma kindly drove me to Ely and I caught a train directly to Colchester, I was supposed to go straght to work then realised I left the pub keys at home, so mad dash home then back to the station and caught the 10.29 and got to work just before midday.

We were quite busy for lunch and from 3pm onwards very very quiet opefully tommorrow will improve a bit at least I have the long weekend off.

We went to a bird sanctaury yesterday just outside of Ely mainly swans and geese and several types of duck, there were apparently some Kingfishers earlier which we missed still it was good to go out for a while.

Hope everyone had a great Christmas

thats it for now

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christmas is here at long last, i've just got a bit of shopping to do today and some house work then it's all done.

Such a manic week at work now it's time to kick back and relax, and get myself geared up for the January Sales lol.

I was supposed to be going to New York for the New Year but had to cancel (I got my money back) thats why the picture thats from the top of the Empire State Building I took this in May of this year a couple of pics of me not very good or clear but have a few more which I will load in the New Year and the Rose is in memory of my Mum.

It is my grandmothers birthday today she is 86 yrs young and it was my brothers yesterday the rest of the birthdays are spread out through the rest of the year.

For New Year i'm going to spend it with George whos is one of my best friends were going to paint the town reddish (were older now) so will probably be home about 12.30 lol not like the old days ah well lol.

Merry Christmas to everyone on J-land eat drink and be merry.

thats it for now

FEELING CHRISTMASSY AT LAST

At last I seem to be getting into the Christmas spirit with less than a week to go, I'm going to write my cards tonight luckily I don't have many to send. A friend of mine jo had her daughter Daisy last year on Christmas Day no less so I bought her a musical angel hopefully she'll like it she's such a cutie.

I'm doing Duck this year for dinner having about 5 friends round for dinner and lots of chocs and wine got a couple of good dvds to watch so should be a good laugh, one stipulation though they have to wash up!! lol.

Only two more presents to buy just for the girls at work they have worked so hard this last week plus they're away from they're families at this time of year so I thought some Champagneand Chocolates and Dvd's.

I will be having some visitors this week my old boss and his wife they've now retired (3months ago) they trained me also Bob who's 86 and comes to see me every three weeks he'll be off to Devon to spend Christmas with his daughter then in the New Year of to Lancashire for new year with the younger daughter.

Bob is amazing I met him about 10 years ago in a pub lol he comes up to London every weekend has a wonder there are several of us that he visits, his wife died 11 years ago 2 years short of they're 50th and he visits all there old haunts including the French House pub which Bob has been a customer since before the war, he's a happy soul someone once said to him it's a bit maudling and he replied there my memories and good ones too. Both his daughters are always offering to have him live with either one  he say as long as I can do for myself I'll stay where I am thank you very much, he's an inspiration to us all.

Thats it for now

Nearly There

Work wise this week has taken me to a new level, I cant remember being so busy, on Thursday we had a late licence until 3am which turned out to be a bust the chap who booked promised a 100 people lees than half turned up, they were such a dull lot and did'nt even offer us a drink or the girls a tip (bit mean), I had to stay at the pub so did'nt get any sleep, Friday was incredibly busy with another xmas lunch booked, both girls and I suffering severe sleep depravation but we managed. I left at 11.30 walked to Green Park Station only yo find they had a power cut "great" then had to walk in the opposite direction to Picadilly finally got the train to Liverpool Street and missed the 12.18 had to wait for the 12.48am finally got home at 2.30am, i've never been so glad to see my front door, oh did,nt get much sleep as I developed toothache.

Saturday my 42nd birthday I finally rolled out of bed ot 2pm opened a few cards made some calls then on my way to work for the Fortnum and Mason xmas staff party, they supplied there own DJ at 7.30 people started to arrive very busy loud and very drunk people but no trouble and good night was had by all finally finshed at 4.30 am, my luck still holding out my first train back to Colchester was'nt until 8.02am got home just after nine today.

So my 42nd passed without a murmer I think I'll plan a big celebration for next year any way it's only a number.

I only have to do a food shop now for xmas everything else done and what is not done will have to be left.

So now in the final stretch 4 parties this week no late ones then the whole weekend off can't wait.

Soirry to have a bit of a rant today but as they say it's good to talk!!!

Thats it for now 

A LONG WEEK

I won't be adding much this week (if I survive it) this is the week that our main bookings are happening starting tommorrow, the main ones being on Thursday (I'll have to sleep at the pub) finishes at 3.am and Fortnum and Masons Christmas party which also finishes at 3.am nice way for me spend my birthday,

I know I sound like I'm complaining but with my own Christmas arrangements to make let alone shopping and all the other stuff I'm running out of time.

Why is it in November it seems like ther months to go before Christmas then all of a sudden it's upon us, this year has gone so fast I've hardly had time to catch my breath well roll on the New Year.

Thats it for now

MORE STUFF

A couple of weeks ago I was reading Sheria On my Mind Journal she was commenting on Online Dating,and it's good and bad points (there are many for each side) my attached friends are always trying to set me up with an eligible someone!!!!.

I always get very embarassed in these situations but, my girlfriends can't believe I can be happy single (I am) I allowed myself to be talked into Oline Dating quite a simple format which onlt allows you to contact the supposed man of your dreams if you pay a fee, so to set up your account costs nothing to talk costs anything from £9.00 per month to a delux service £24.00, so anyway I duly joined and heard nothing for the first week , I got a reply from a man who wanted more than I was prepared to give (I blocked him) the others wanted photos unfortunatley of size 8 women well I'm never going to be that slim again lol some wanted surrogate mothers for their children some just strange.

Why is it that some men think that because your over forty that you are desparate and your only online because you have exaushted all your other options not so. I have given up online dating for good.

Heres the thing for the time being I enjoy being single I love being in my 40's slighty overweight well a bit more lol I love having my own space and doing what I like however it would be nice to share this with someone but I think I'll let things happen naturally and if he's out there perhaps I'll find him. My girlfriends think I'm giving up to  easily, but really I think they have underestimated me, in the job I do I meet lots of men, it's a pity that I don't always see them at ther best lol and drunken invites to dinner really don't appeal lol.

Still got plenty of xmas shopping to do I have'nt even bought cards yet!! I'll redress that today.

Our awards dinner was great fun I did'nt win anything but hey theres always next year, we partied until 5.am Tuesday subsequently was not the best of days I did not fully recover until Thursday lol when the official photos are done I will post them on here.

Thats it for now

 

LITTLE BLACK DRESS

I did it I finally managed to find a dress(will post photos later in the week) not a little black number I'm too big but a nice lacy dress with lots of lycra lol. Also managed to get some xmas shopping done, I'll put the tree up next weekend (the cats will have a field day) lol.

Colchester was very busy today there was a funfair on the high street(still no lights) and the christmas market it was so crowded you could hardly see anything, as I especially like homemade arts and crafts never mind there's always next year.

Apart from my visit to town today I have not been up to much just a relaxing afternoon I'm trying to get as much rest in as possible I have to be up at 5.am(delivery) also have several interviews planned (if they turn up) and It's going to be a late night cupled with a busy week we have to xmas lunches booked 30 people each group as usual I won't be having turkey this xmas.

thats it for now

 

JUST A FEW PICTURES

Just a few pictures of the area where I work, and the Fortnum and Mason windows I thought they were nice. Sorry not very clear as taken through the window

UP LATE AGAIN

Another week gone by, been having a stressful week at work, it started on Monday when my chef gave notice also the second cook gave notice as well, what I did'nt realise was that they are a couple, which nobody thought to tell me when I took over the pub, now with quite a few bookings we have no chef, It looks like I'll be doing kitchen duty for the next three weeks great fun!!.to add insult to injury two of the bookings  have late licences till 3.am!!! The other exasperating thing this week is that not once this week have the trains been on time so I have been late everyday oh the joys of commuting. I have to work tommorrow firstly putting up the Christmas decorations, interviewing new (I'll still have to do the kitchen because I will be training) chefs,and a staff meeting, so a lot to do.

I still hav'nt got my posh frock for the awards dinner, but did spy something in Long Tall Sally hopefully they will have it in my size so I'll get that on Sunday, and aslo have a third attempt at some Christmas shopping!!

Thats it for now