Yesterday I did my first shift in my new pub and I have to say I was pleasantly surprised, usually no-one talks to you while they're sizing you up, but they are a friendly crowd which makes a huge difference to your work enviroment.
I have been feeling so emotional the last few days due to the changes I have been making so feeling hopeful and looking to the future are finally on the agenda, thats work sorted, now I have to develop a personal life. It's a funny thing you go through life you meet many people but don't always expand on the potential friendships that could be made as I have said earlier I have been attempting to maintain those few friendships I already have and getting in touch with old ones.
I have always been a bit of a loner which can put people off I always said that I was independant but really sometimes I feel dreadfully lonely and find myself envying others who are in relationships which always look good to an outsider, but the reality is that I make no effort to put myself "out there" for fear of rejection. The fear comes from the fact that I am reasonably successful and seem very confident and capable, but really like everyone else I would just like someone to say "how was your day".
I have replaced to some extent the online buddies instead of real live humans in some respects just to talk and have a laugh it would seem that have lost some of my skills in forming friendships and being the semi- social butterfly I once was.
Why is it that getting into my forties that I find myself in crisis I have no problem with age but seem to have lost all my confidence which has always stood me in such good stead over the years, I'm trying hard to work through this but finding it a bit of a mountain to climb.
A bit deep today but there is still a spark of the old me left.
Thats it for now
6 comments:
hi! I think your blog is great! this is natalie.. I'm going to write an entrya bout yuo okay? I will post your link on my entry! hugs, natalie
ps People say that being forty is about trying to figure out what is imporatnt in life for you and that things that people thought were importatn are not anymore! but that friends loom large ! do you agree? cheers! natalie(Lurkynat)
Hi! :) Please come by and commetn on the entry I wrote about your blog!
And please leave your link! hugs, natalie
http://journals.aol.com/lurkynat/Interface/entries/2006/11/19/shes-great-go-and-visit-isnt-she-great/1272
Interesting read - Natalie [lurkynat] sent me to you. Putting you on alerts.
http://journals.aol.co.uk/pharmolo/NorthernTrip
You know, I have more online buddies than outside of house buddies. I am confident, but prefer to stay home for the most part. Many Blessings to you, Penny
Hugs Yasmin!
I'm looking forwaqrd to your next entry!
yours, natalie
Cheers Yasmin!
coolbeans! I hope that your December is extraordinary!
hugs,nat
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